Box
I was once told I was special
Put inside facing the outside world
Live inside till you’re old or dead
Just a creature to be looked at and stroked
Others rolled on their bellies, I sat growling
I was once told I was special
What are doing they said
We get fed here the real world would just want us dead
Live inside till you’re old or dead
I don’t want to be special
I just want to be Neal whoever that is
I was once told I was special
I’d rather be dead than live here a place that
Waters down hopes and optimism
Live inside till you’re old dead
I wanted to write, you said that is not a realism
If I can’t write then I’m not going to be real
I was once told I was special
Live inside till you’re old or dead
When I wrote this piece, I wasn’t sure why I wrote it or what I wanted to do with my writing career. I think my plan was to write a collection about isolation at the time, I have no idea why I wanted to write about isolation but I do now seven years later.
It was just something I wasn’t terrible at.
I didn’t like putting myself boxes and I still don’t really but I accept I am a writer with a disability, a writer whose main aim is to uplift other disabled artists and writers.
I now proudly label myself as having learning disabilities as well as joint related issues but back in 2014, I was just a writer albeit a very new writer. I didn’t like putting myself boxes and I still don’t really but I accept I am a writer with a disability, a writer whose main aim is to uplift other disabled artists and writers.
Why do I do this? Because early in my writing journey I realised we often get ignored mainly, because there isn’t enough recognition or money to go around, but I am not someone who can be told no. I quietly or more often unquietly crack on with whatever I need to do.
I am very proud of the Tentacles collective, admittedly I tried to do too much on my own and it suffered but the people who came to the workshops at Nottingham Playhouse were very happy that a writer of disability started this. Thank you, City of Literature, for helping me start Tentacles, it will be back.
I was told not to write a show because I wasn’t big enough and nobody would see it. Again, I did the opposite. To be fair, said person had a point, but I wanted to show what Special Educational Needs schools in the 90s were like. In my case they were mixed. I was in an odd place of not having too much of a disability or not being abled enough for mainstream school, especially in the 90s. I have a stutter and my writing is illegible, I would be a walking target, however I was a walking target at my school.
Accessibility is very important to me: why write a show or shows or poems about what it to means to have disabilities when people of disability can’t make it? All my shows are BSL interpreted and relaxed which means everyone can be themselves. House lights are on so people can make noise and move freely.
What is next for me? I am someone who does not like being quiet. I am currently working on my next show called ‘The Walk’ about walking grandads and other lovely stuff. My next poetry pamphlet is called ‘Whatever You Say I Am that’s What I Am Not’. Yes, I’m taking the title back to Nottingham.
Neal Pike is a Nottingham poet, performer, theatre maker and workshop facilitator. A former Mouthy Poet, Neal has performed across the UK and internationally. Neal founded the poetry collective, Tentacles, the UK’s first disability writer’s collective. Read more about Neal and his work on his website.